Wardrobe Malfunction

by Lisa Rosen on October 3, 2011

So, Lee has this mild obsession with a clothing company called Scott E-Vest.  It’s an interesting concept:  the clothes are designed to enable the wearer to travel without luggage.  This fellow actually did an around-the-world trip (the No-Baggage Challenge) to promote their products.

My darling husband does love a gimmick.  *sigh*

So he has quite a few of their items, but the jackets have been the big hit.*  It was a Scott E-Vest he was wearing in the Great Segway Debacle last winter.  It required a little patching (as did he), but it’s all fixed up now; as a matter of fact, he’s wearing it as I write this.

We’re off to New York for a few days, so of course the special travel jacket had to be pressed into service.  This particular one–about the weight/warmth of a windbreaker–has 17 pockets (I think; I haven’t actually counted).  As we were walking out the door to head to the airport, he mentioned that something seemed to be bunched up behind his right shoulder.  I looked, and sure enough, the whole thing was hanging a little oddly in the back.  It looked like he had a hockey puck poking out of his shoulder glade.  I felt around under the back vent, and concluded that he just had something in that pocket, but otherwise nothing was amiss.

He slid behind the wheel of the car, leaned back in the seat, and announced that there was definitely a problem.  No, I countered–there’s just something in your pocket.

“No, no–there’s something wrong.  It’s twisted, or bunched up, or something. See?”  He’s trying to reach around to feel the back of his shoulder, unable to figure out why his jacket is hanging all whoppy-jawed.  I just looked at him–the thing has 17 pockets!  There could be a litter of puppies living in it and we’d never find them.

We got to the airport (Lee squirming the whole way), and when he got out of the car, he took the jacket off to figure out what was going on.

“I’ve got it!  It’s my belt!”

Really.  It’s your belt.  Trapped behind your right shoulder.  Of course–that’s where I keep my belt.

We got through security (which, he would have me point out, means taking off his jacket**), got settled at the gate, and then came the real challenge:  FINDING the wayward belt.

It took five minutes.  I’M NOT KIDDING.  At first he couldn’t even figure out which pocket it was in; once he found the pocket, he had to find the zipper, then work the belt into a spot where he could reach it.  I almost wish I could say we missed our flight, because that would just be too rich, but luckily that didn’t happen.

So.  In the interests of travel simplicity, be sure not to wear your belt through security.  Instead, store it somewhere logical, like your armpit, or in a sock.

*He also likes the undershirts, which are lightweight and wicking, but the shorts were slightly clingy and wedgie-prone.  And the boxers (which, admittedly, do have that handy pocket–because don’t you need a pocket in your underpants?) were a disaster.  Well, I shouldn’t say that.  They were probably fine for someone who doesn’t ordinarily were underwear at all.  But the gaping open fly made them sort of . . . risqué.  Lee likes his underwear to actually, y’know, contain all the parts.

**He would say that all he has to do to go through security is take off his jacket.  I would point out that he still has to untie his shoes (which I do not–I’m very carefully to only wear slip-ons when I fly) and take them off, then sit down to put them back on again.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Bobbi Janay October 4, 2011 at 12:00 am

Wow, this is cracking me up.

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Sonja Foust October 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

This made me giggle. 🙂 I’m all for traveling light, but don’t think I could go that far…

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Eileen October 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

This would’ve been great when the kids were smaller just to make it out of the house.

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