It’s Too Noisy in Here

by Lisa Rosen on August 29, 2011

There’s too much noise in my head lately.

I thought it was just having the children hanging around the house during their summer break.  But then they went back to school, and my head wouldn’t settle down.  I thought it was the drama of the first days of school–we’ve never been all that good at transitions around here.  But that passed, and still I found it hard to center myself.

I thought it was Lee being in the hospital, but he came home and is fine.   Then maybe it was the earthquake (okay, that was a stretch–it was only a little worse than the UPS truck idling in front of our house, but for some reason, it really wound me up).  Then we had a hurricane (again, not much of one here, but it was enough to get my head all tangled up).

By yesterday morning, I was kind of close to losing it, so I went for a long walk in the woods, trying to find my zen.  For the first couple of miles, I debated whether the noise in my head is a result of not having my own car.  Maybe?  Probably not.  So finally I decided maybe I’m just stressed because of the upheaval in our house.

And I realized something really depressing.  That upheaval is here to stay, for a while at least.  De-cluttering a house, downsizing twenty years’ worth of stuff, pushing kids out of the nest–those are all really stressful, distracting time-sucks.  Blah.  I haven’t written a word of fiction in two months.  I haven’t yet figured out how to (mentally) work around the chaos, but I need to get my head on straight so that I can focus.

This morning I woke up long before daylight, having dreamt about Lee’s upcoming colonoscopy, and couldn’t get back to sleep.  Clearly I haven’t yet found the secret to keeping my calm.

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