Pet Peeves

by Lisa Rosen on January 28, 2011

This is a bag of egg noodles.  They are in my pantry, taking up space, and I can’t remember why.  I remember buying them.  I even know when I bought them–January 9th.  I stood there in the pasta aisle of the Harris-Teeter, trying to think what we’d eat if I caught Lee’s flu and we got snowed in, and I remembered a recipe I’d just come across, and threw the bag of noodles in the cart.

Now I can’t find the recipe.  I have no idea what I was going to do with those noodles. They’re sitting there on the bottom shelf, taunting me, making me feel like I’ve forgotten where I parked the car.  I hate that feeling.  I spent two hours yesterday–two hours!–going through my bookmarks, my search history, all my favorite blogs–to no avail.

I do this all the time; I buy a grocery item, with an idea in my head for how how to use it, then I forget what I had in mind.  It’s so frustrating.  By dinnertime last night I was so cranky about the egg noodles I could barely see straight.  So I started making a list of pet peeves–things that frustrate me beyond reason.

–The word smirk.  People misuse it all the time, which is annoying enough, but even when used correctly, I hate it.  It’s not a pretty word.  And it refers to a not-pretty expression.

–The dry air in my house.  My knuckles are cracked, my lips are chapped, my nose keeps bleeding, and my heels are a disgrace.  No amount of moisturizer can make up for winter air.

–7 am.  ‘Nuff said.

–People who walk through parking lots on the diagonal.  I want to run them over.  If you are one of these morons–stop it!  Stay to one side!  When you amble around in the middle, you block traffic, clogging up the whole parking lot.  Don’t do that! (Do NOT email to tell me that you’re worried someone’s going to back out and hit you–that just makes you sound stupid.  Obviously, DON’T WALK BEHIND A CAR THAT’S BACKING UP!)

–Two-lane round-abouts.  There’s a new one near us, and it confuses my brain.  Two lanes just don’t make sense to me.  A nice, simple, single-lane traffic circle?  Love it.  I’d love to see them everywhere.  But two lanes?  Nope.  Can’t do it.

–All that fine, dry road grit that has accumulated here this winter, with the repeated brining ahead of weather systems.  I come in from a run and feel like it’s embedded in my skin; it’s in my nose, my eyes, my shoes.  (Although, this one is a mixed bag, I suppose.  I fell on Sunday, and the grit caused me to slide forward on my stomach, dispersing the force of the impact.  Instead of broken bones, all I had was some minor road rash.  Maybe I should be grateful to the grit.)

–The fact that Jockey has stopped making my favorite underwear.  Yeah, I know.  Totally a first-world problem.  Nonetheless, it’s irritating the snot out of me at the moment, because the elastic is going in all the pairs I have, and I have no idea how to replace them.

–The fact that I can’t get through winter without gaining weight.  I have dreadful SAD, and all my coping mechanisms involve butter.

–Mumbling.  I hate mumbling.

This.  Excuse me; I’m 43 years old.  I learned to put two spaces after a period.  Thirty years ago.  I don’t think I can change that habit this late in the game.  Sorry.

–Flickering fluorescent lights; specifically, the one above the desk in my kitchen.

–Fake sincerity.  I’m sure there’s a more accurate word for it, but it’s a very specific category of people who go through life with this sort of Hallmark-card earnestness about them.  I’m sorry; I just don’t trust people who take themselves that seriously.

–Low-flow water-saving toilets.  I know they’re supposed to be better for the planet, but I hate them.  I hate clogged toilets.  I hate having to plunge the toilet.  Yes, I am a princess.

–Technological glitches.  One of these days, I’m going to get a 404 message, or drop a call, or lose all my music, and my head is going to explode.  Truly.

–People who . . . wait.  Maybe I’d better just say people, and leave it at that.  Yes, my misanthropy is showing.  It’s January.  That’s how I roll.

Thanks for letting me vent.  I feel better already.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeanne January 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Honey, I’m here to help. For the noodles, try beef stroganoff. Here’s a recipe in case you don’t have one: http://tinyurl.com/4879ju3

If you need to install or replace a low flow toilet, Toto is wonderful. If you don’t have to, I’m with ya.

Diagonal walkers? I like to get really close so they know they’re annoying me. Okay, usually that’s just a fantasy, but I agree completely. And people who meander across a street while you’re waiting to turn. Or cross against the light and make you stop, even thought that’s more dangerous than just sacrificing the one jay walker. Again, mostly a fantasy.

But it’s Friday, and there’s wine, and there’s netflix, and I hope you feel better very soon!

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Lisa Rosen January 31, 2011 at 8:34 am

Thank you Jeanne–glad to know I’m not the only one entertaining malicious fantasies . . .
And yes, there was a Kir Royale, and a walk in the woods, and about 47 old episodes of Bones on Netflix. All in all, as good as a January weekend gets.
Onward & upward.

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Lala January 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Some sort of beef stroganoff. For the egg noodles. That’s what you were going to make. That just popped into my head while I was smirking & zig zagging through the parking lot. ; )

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Lisa Rosen January 31, 2011 at 8:34 am

Wicked Lala. 🙂

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Frances January 28, 2011 at 4:08 pm

So. How have you been?

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Lisa Rosen January 31, 2011 at 8:35 am

Who, me? Cranky? Never . . .

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Eileen January 29, 2011 at 7:16 am

You are not alone! As I read your post the words – Yeah! Thats right! Amen! I hear ya! kept popping into my head like you were hosting some sort of Pet Peeve pep rally. Plus, I know a man who wholeheartedly believes he is less likely to be hit crossing any roadway if he walks diagonally – maybe its some sort of urban legend I don’t know about.

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Lisa Rosen January 31, 2011 at 8:37 am

Oh, Eileen–a Pet Peeve pep rally! What a delicious thought! I’ll be grinning all day now, imagining it.
And give me this fellow’s address–I’ll set him straight . . .

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Amelia January 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

The egg noodle bit was funny! Just look at it this way. It’ll give you an opportunity to find a new recipe. Google egg noodles and I’m sure something fantastic will pop up!
Then in 6 months or 2 years, when you find the original recipe for which you bought the egg noodles, you can have a good laugh.

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Lisa Rosen January 31, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Amelia–I know exactly when I’ll find that original recipe–ten minutes after we finish off that bag. Mark my words.

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